D-group

Jerina (my spiritual patner and d-group leader) asked me to join other d-group leaders from miriam college to a sort of "team building seminar". she said she was praying for me to become a d-group leader and that our school is a harvest field--in need of more workers.

i got scared.

it was like God talking to me.

ever since that revival night happened, my life kinda had a new perspective, a new direction...

so back to God "talking" to me. god's prompting was so strong--it couldn't be ignored and resisted. but something inside me tells me not to go. it was that deep sense of fear.

i remembered asking God to talk to me bout his will for my life. and when he finally did, my fears and insecurities took hold of me. the thought that i am not deserving for that "call" keeps bothering me. or that i am not prepared to obey. i am just not ready in this point of my life. i have a lot of responsibilities, i'm pre-occupied with a lot of things. maybe those were the reasons for my fears...

but God was faithful, his love is greater than all of my fears and insecurities combined. he used people, His word, and other books to open my eyes for what he wants me to do.

one of that people is Louie. He is one of the few people who truly understands what i'm going through aside from Jeri and my bestfriend tina (if she only knew coz' we haven't had the chance to talk bout it yet). He lent me his father's book and told me to read the chapter on "god is my home" (i'll post it next time). God spoke to me bout putting off my luxuries and taking up my cross for him. He wants me to obey him and make my life his home. he's the owner to the "deed" of that house and he has every right to use it as he please.

so there i finally decided to come, not because i want to do it for myself but because i wanted to obey him. I'M GLAD I DID.

i was able to talk to ate justine bout all the stuff inside my heart. it's funny because ate justine and I are quite the same. we're both honor students pressured by our families and people around us to "succeed" (in their own interpretation of the word). we're both ambitious individuals and expected to be "the most successful girl in class". but god is putting a "distaste" in our hearts for things not of His own. tears just kept streaming down my face, and people who saw me was probably thinking i'm nuts. ate told me that everything in this world is "rubbish" in the eyes of God and that our lives have a higher purpose, and that is to serve Him. she told me bout her experiences when she was still in the corporate world and compared it to her experiences in the ministry. she said there'll be a lot of trials and challenges but at the end of the day...what matters most is that we were able to serve God.

the whole day was filled with fun. i got to know trippy, abi and lica (d-group leaders as well). they told me bout the history of PROJECT S.C.H.O.O.L. (Saving Colleges and High Schools of Our Land) which gave birth to d-groups (discipleship groups) in different schools. their mission of spreading the word of god is just remarkable. as ate told us, we have a DREAM and that is to disciple others, return to our first love, make evangelism our lifestyle, eliminate apathy and wait for God's miracle to abound. our prayer time was very special because we prayed for Miriam College, that God may use us to make him known in our school. as jeri puts it: "We are building a MOVEMENT--not a MONUMENT!"

i'm quite scared but my heart trusts that God will use everything in me (including my weaknesses) for his greater glory.

i'm excited.

may god's miracles abound.

"His power in us can do far more than we dare ask or imagine."
Ephesians 3:20.

p.s. i was thinking of inviting ate justine for one of our youth fellowships in church. i'm sure everyone in our group will be inspired to do our part in spreading the gospel.